Who I Am Now…
Who was I? Who am I?
I was the 5.15 alarm and the 6.40 train.
I was the hustle, I was the bustle,
I was the heart-sink at the three-car collision on the West Link,
I was the strategy, I was the plan,
I was the report, the summary, the aim, the goal.
I was the committee, I was the working group,
I was the “Can I pop in for a minute?
Can I run something past you?”
I was the meeting, the meeting, the meeting.
And back then at other times, when worlds collided,
I was the “Bring down your uniforms and do your homework.”
I was the juggler, the tightrope walker, the spinner of plates.
I was the “Yes, love, of course, I can make angels wings for the morning.”
I was the “Please, love, don’t be sick tomorrow, I have no time tomorrow.”
I was the “Please, Mum, don’t die today, I have no time today.”
No time today, no time to die, never enough time.
No time for life, to be a good enough mother or a good enough wife.
So who am I now?
I am the guilty pleasure of the snuggle back down in the morning,
The quiet smile at the sound of the train in the distance.
I’m the books I’ve never read, and the friends reunited.
I’m the weekend breaks mid-week. And the no aim
but the aimless chatter and clatter of the flat white,
All the time to mother in an empty home,
To smother the adults that they’ve become
with bread and blankets and being, just being.
And the quiet rebellion of the garden where salmon pink meets fuchsia
and orange bleeds red and colours collide in riotful bed.
Where path meets border and veg grow in order,
where nature meets nurture, where family wine and dine,
where birdsong and laughter are the playlist.
That’s where you’ll find me. That’s who I am now.